THE CATS OF WECLAW

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one opened, stand on your hind legs and scratch furiously.  Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it.  You can change your mind.

When company is over for dinner, walk across the table among the food and dishes; be prepared to look surprised and hurt if scolded.  The idea to convey is "But you let me do it when company isn't here!"  You may also want to volunteer to clean the dishes after dinner

Determine quickly which guest dislikes cats.  Sit on that lap during the entire evening.  You will know who it is - he or she will call you "nice Kitty" if you can arrange to have a fishy cat food breath, so much the better.  For the guest who says" I just love kitties", be aloof and show disdain, then apply claws to stockings or pant legs and attempt to nip at ankles.

For sitting in laps or rubbing against trousers, select colors which contrast with your own.  For light colored cats, a good black wool lap  is the best.   For dark fur, anything light colored is preferred.

Always accompany guests to bathroom to supervise their activities.   It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit there and stare.

Never eat from a bowl on the floor when you can steal directly from the table.  Never drink from your own water dish if there is a glass of water full enough to drink from.  This is especially good to do when guests are present.

If one of your caretakers is idle and the other caretaker is working with papers, pens, or is cutting fabric, crocheting, reading a book, or is in any other way occupied, be sure to sit on the one that is busy.

For book readers, get in close under the chin.  Unless of course you can lie across the book itself and purr.  Be sure to purr loudly-the louder you purr, the more attention you will get.

If your caretaker is paying bills, addressing Christmas cards, or is doing another form of paper work, lie on the papers being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the corner of the table.  After being removed for the umpteenth dozen time, push a roll of stamps off the table and then do the same, one at a time, with any pens or pencils.

Get plenty of sleep during daylight hours so that you are fresh for playing "banzai" off the cat tree, hide the mousie under the bed covers and chase phantoms during the wee hours. Be sure to pounce on your sleeping caretaker's stomach several times.  They enjoy that immensely.

Start training your caretaker early on and you should have a smooth running household.  Be tenacious and always have the last word. It is the birth right of any self respecting, intelligent cat.